“A Perfect World: Case Study A” by Adam Frank Boretz
--page 2

Institute of Living
Norris Outpatient Campus
Office Visit LR003

- Sometimes I hear this rhythm, this pattern in my head.
- What sort of pattern?
- I don’t know.
- What does it sound like?
- I don’t know.
- You don’t know(4)? How don’t you know?
- I don’t know. And even if I did ... It’s like I’m not allowed to tell you. The point is I have to make the pattern stop.
- I see. And how do you make it stop?
- With another pattern—a set of fours. I have to repeat sets of fours until they add up ... until they add up to thirty-two. And it has to be perfect. And then the pattern stops.
- And how long does that take ... to stop the pattern.
- I don’t know. A minute. Fifteen minutes. An hour.
- And you aren’t allowed—those are your words—aren’t allowed to tell me what it sounds like? Why?
- For the same reason as everything else. Because if I do ... It’s so she won’t leave me, so she won’t die.
- Levi, you realize that’s not true?
- Yes.
- You do?
- No. I don’t know.
- Levi, all of this, it’s just rules you’ve created in your mind. This is your anxiety, this is you wanting control. None of it is real ... Look, we’re out of time for today. This week, I’d like you to make what we call a Behavioral Inventory. Every time you have a compulsion, every time you hear a pattern, every time you have to do something a certain way, write it down, document it; document everything.



         All the homeless people in Weybridge sleep in Prospect Park comma between the donut shop and army recruiting office period They huddle on benches and shuffle their feet to keep warm as I watch them from across the street period I stand very still on the snowy street with hands in pockets and count on each smudged face and greasy head period
         The legless woman in her wheelchair period
         The junkie with her six sweaters and shopping carts period
         The bearded man in the fedora who shouts and slaps at his bruised temples period
         The snot streaked infant sleeping in her mother’s arms period
         Each face 1 2 3 4 period
         Each bent body one two three four period
         Each cliché story I II III IV period
         Each life that is so much worse than mine 1 2 3 4 period
         I count until it is perfect period Until they are all perfect period Until the world is right and safe and perfect period
         And then comma I walk with hesitant little steps period Each one perfect period I hop over cracks and around icy leaves and sticks and snow period And at the donut shop comma thick men suck on cigarettes and a bell rings out from somewhere as I tiptoe past period

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