Fawlt Magazine | Issue Two Editor's Note

Instead of our usual note from a Fawlt editor to Fawlt readers, here is a note from one Fawlt editor to the other Fawlt editors. We found it uplifting and hope you will too:

Now, we decided on a new deadline of end of June to get this ready. Right?

That is just fine but let me just say this: I have now changed this deadline 3 times and I am less than pleased to have my name on the line and be looking like a fool.

SO, Alex having requested me to send you guys an 'inspirational' (in his words but 'apocalyptic' in my own) message to get you guys on top of your stuff, I will do exactly that:

Alex and Ryan, and especially Ryan because I feel like you're really the troublemaker, I will become such a nightmare in your lives if we do not hit this deadline that you will be sorry you ever existed and ever grew a pair. I am contemplating torture devices AS WE SPEAK and will be organizing a "set-up" get together in the coming weeks with the intent of crushing you to pieces if I don't see any decent progress. On top of that, one of you, that I will pick with a short straw, and then prick in the eye with the same straw, will be sending out MY solicitations next issue if this deadline is not met because I am NOT going to look like a fool again. Remember, I'm Swiss and we have more pride than normal people. Let me repeat the last part: MORE PRIDE THAN NORMAL PEOPLE.

I love you all dearly but that does not mean I am not willing to discard your lifeless bodies into a NYC ditch because of a deadline kerfuffle. DEADLINES ARE EVERYTHING.

Veronica, I'm sorry you had to hear that. You're obviously the cutest thing in the world compared to these two. And without the comparison too. MWAH (Ryan & Alex, don't even read this part, look away before I poke you again in the eye).

This is the last warning: RYAN - get to it or I will make your life such misery you'll pray you were never born.

PS: I'm off the booze for 5 days (until the 1st world cup match). Don't make me get angry now.

YOUR FAITHFUL SERVANT OF YOUR BALLS I WILL CHOP OFF IF THIS DOESN'T MOVE.