“Truly, All The Way Down” by Clancy Martin
--page 5

        I wanted to have sex one more time too and I was immediately eager and thirsty for her, hearing her talk about it, but I was too concerned about Jim.
        “Don’t worry about Jim,” she said. “He’s busy too. He’s not always looking for us, trust me. He’s worrying about his own shit. Don’t exaggerate your own importance.”
        She tapped out a little more powder onto the tinfoil and lit the lighter again. I could see how hot it was getting and worried about her fingertips burning. But she did not seem to notice. I wanted a glass of water.
        “It’s not that,” I said. “I just want to do a good job. I want to be a good employee.”
        “He’s already proud of you, Billy. You don’t have to prove anything to him. He loves you because you’re his brother. Because you’re you. Not because of anything you’re doing.”
        That reminded me of something my mother once told me. It was after an award ceremony for the safety patrols in elementary school. I had cheated on the national exam and won “The Smartest Safety Patrol in Canada” or some such crazy Canadian award. After I received my new ten-speed bike and carried the flag down the Seventh Street Mall my mother took me aside and said, “You see that? That’s what success does, Billy. No one is going to like us for who we are. They like us for what we do. You have to impress them. You have to make people like you. They will never like you just you on your own.”
        That was not what my father would have said. He thought we all loved one another, truly, all the way down.

~

        I was working the buy counter—Lisa was there, too, working the buy counter beside me, she liked to do that, to take a break from the exaggerated hilarity of the sales floor—and a young mother came in with a kid in one arm and another in a stroller. This young mother looked like she was nearly so young as me. Looking back on it now I think she couldn’t have been more than eighteen years old. She wanted to sell her wedding ring. She took it from her finger and handed it to me with a hopeful expression. But not too hopeful.
        “It was his mother’s,” she said. “It is supposed to be worth a lot of money.”
        Even before I cleaned it I could see it was a real diamond. But after it soaked in the ultrasonic for a few minutes and then I steamed it off it blazed. I knew I needed to show it to David before I made an offer.
        David was at his desk. He louped and handled the diamond ring greedily.
        “Where is she?” he said. From his desk you could see the buy counters through the one-way mirror. I pointed.
        “Okay. I am going to let you handle this, Billy. But don’t fuck it up. Offer her five grand. Is she hesitates, go to six. But go slowly. Don’t let her walk. You got that? She does not leave the store with this ring.”
        I nodded.
        “Maybe I should handle this one,” he said.
        Then Jim was there at my shoulder. He took me by the arm.
        “What?” he said. “No. We all have to learn, David,” he said. “Give him a chance.”

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